Matthew Nienow
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but under the poison I was committed to
I can only remember the first five minutes
were so beautiful that it seems impossible
how nearly I lost my own children
to the woman who was willing to leave me
she couldn’t hear the song
I made a music I sang to the feeling I sang
to who it was I thought I was and I heard it
it was an under-the-water-kind-of-song
and the house was filling with water
and the children were fish or so it seemed
but in the morning I could see I was only
asking that they hold their breath that
if they could just hold their breath a little longer
they might become fish and how lovely
to live in a house swimming with light every
prayer slurred so what it was beautiful to me
to cripple the intellect I would say to myself I
was committed to it I hardly noticed how close
I was between not wanting to live and not
knowing how to leave I was that weak
the poison that strong I wanted it to end
but I did not dare bow out